Safety at home and behavior as communication

An important thing right away. Safety is not only locks on the door. It is also about how we react when the child is struggling.

This text is about two parallel topics. Physical safety at home and psychological safety through understanding behavior.

Physical safety: the basic level

• Medications. All medications in a locked cabinet or up high. Including vitamins. The child should not have access on their own. Even "safe" pills in a large quantity are dangerous.
• Sharp objects. Knives, scissors, needles, forks, in drawers with locks or up high.
• Chemicals. Cleaning products, shampoos, dish soap, in locked cabinets. Laundry gels in an unreachable place. Capsules look like candy.
• Sockets. Plugs in all free sockets.
• Hot surfaces. Stove, oven, iron. Protection if the child tends to reach.
• Furniture corners. Soft pads if the child often falls.
• Windows. Locks. Especially on upper floors.
• Doors. If the child tends to run out (elopement), additional bolts at a height where the child cannot reach.
• Water. Temperature control. A hot shower can harm.

This is not "paranoia." It is the basic level of safety for a child with developmental differences, especially if there is running out, a tendency to taste everything, a lack of understanding of danger.

If the child tends to run out

A separate serious topic. The CDC has separate recommendations about elopement in children with autism.

What is worth doing.

• A GPS bracelet or tracker. A simple option. The child cannot take it off on their own.
• A bracelet with parents' contacts. In case the child is found.
• Neighbors. Warn the closest neighbors, give them your phone number.
• Local police. If you live in an area where it is unsafe. Not for calling in case of something, but for a preliminary acquaintance.
• Locks on the doors. Bolts at a height where the child cannot reach. Door chimes that warn of opening.

If the child has run out once, do not criticize yourself. It can happen to anyone. Just strengthen the system.

Behavior as communication

A separate big topic. Much of what parents call "bad behavior" is actually a signal.

The child cannot say it in another way:

• "It hurts."
• "I am overloaded."
• "I do not want this."
• "I do not understand what is happening."
• "I am scared."
• "I am hungry" or "I am thirsty."
• "I am tired."

Then behavior appears. Screaming. Falling on the floor. Hitting. Running away. Withdrawing.

Instead of "removing the behavior," ask "what is the child trying to say."

Algorithm: when behavior appears

First, observe. As neutrally as possible.

• What was BEFORE. What sounds, events, transitions, requests, refusals.
• The behavior itself. What exactly, screaming, hitting, falling, silence.
• What happened AFTER. What adults did, how the child reacted.

This is called ABC analysis. Antecedent, Behavior, Consequence. If you write down several episodes, a pattern is often visible.

"Always before lunch, when we ask to put away toys." "Always with loud music." "Always when the aunt with perfume comes in."

You found the cause, you can change the circumstances. Often this reduces behavior without any "methods."

What to do when the child "explodes"

Whatever name we give it, meltdown, tantrum, sensory collapse, the algorithm is similar.

• Do not react emotionally in response. The child is overloaded. If the adult also shouts, the overload doubles.
• Safety first. Remove sharp objects. Take the child out of a place where they can hurt themselves or others.
• Reduce sensory stimuli. Turn off loud music. Dim the light. Move to a quieter place.
• Do not explain and do not demand. "You must calm down," "understand that you are wrong," does not work in a state of affect. Wait.
• Be near. Quietly. Without touch if the child does not accept it. Just presence.
• Give time. An episode can last from minutes to an hour. It is not controllable instantly.
• After, recovery. When the child has calmed down, do not "analyze" what happened. First rest. A conversation, later, in a calm moment.

It is not worth punishing "for the explosion." It does not motivate. It humiliates. The child did not choose to be in this state.

A crisis plan

It is useful to have a thought-out plan in advance.

• A list of triggers. What usually causes an episode. Noise, hunger, fatigue, transitions, strangers.
• A list of preventives. What can be done to avoid triggers. Headphones. A snack. A rest schedule. Warning about transitions.
• A list of calming strategies. What helps the child. A quiet room. A favorite toy. Music. A swing. A weighted blanket.
• A list of contacts. A doctor. A psychologist. A close adult you can call if it is hard for you.

Share the plan with other adults who spend time with the child. Grandma, dad, nanny. One approach, less confusion.

What NOT to do at the moment of a crisis

• Do not shout. This adds noise.
• Do not hold by force. If there is no direct danger. Restraint can traumatize.
• Do not "punish." Put in the corner, take away toys. This does not motivate, because the child does not control the state.
• Do not scold. "Shame on you." This gives nothing.
• Do not try to talk about logic. In a moment of affect, logic is not available.

Red flags that require help

If the child has.

• Self-harm. Regular, intense, with a risk of injury.
• Aggression toward others. With a risk of injury.
• Regression. Disappearance of previously mastered skills.
• Regular crises more often than daily.
• Prolonged states that do not end (more than an hour or two).

These are signals of needed help from specialists. A child psychiatrist, psychologist, behavioral specialist. Do not "endure."

Help for parents

Separately. If you are exhausting yourself from the daily collision with crises, this is normal.

But this is a signal. Read the materials in the "Parent support" category, about burnout, hotlines, what to do on very hard days.

The child does not benefit from an exhausted adult. Take care of yourself.

What is next

This is the last material in the "Daily tips" category. If you have read all five, you have done a lot of work. Allow yourself a break.